05 September 2012

Q&A: Jealousy

Q: I have a pattern of always being jealous of my boyfriends. Every time they are away from me, I worry they will cheat on me, so I call off the relationship after a few weeks. Now I am seeing a good guy. He has issues with old relationships too, so we've decided to go slow. It has only been a few weeks, but I've already tried to break if it off once, but we patched things up pretty quickly. Will I always be jealous? Is this the relationship for me? Should I break it off before my jealousy ruins things again?

A: This calls for a one-card meditation, and your card is the Chariot from the major arcana. Major arcana cards resonate with big life-lesson issues like this. The Chariot specifically about awareness. You have made strides in self-awareness. Now lets turn that awareness to the relationship and the things around you to help you move forward.

There is an old saying that the first step in avoiding a trap is knowing of its existence. By gaining the insight you have into your issues, triggers, and sensitivities, you've already won half the battle.

Another old adage that applies here is "don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" 

You are right, it is tied up with anger and resentment. Jealousy is also a matter fear and of trust...the lack of trust, really. Why is it you don't trust men? Have these past relationships really and truly given you cause to be jealous? Was there really a reason to bail out? If so, why are you choosing the kind of guy that isn't trustworthy? Are you being defensive or paranoid because of past hurts, and want to hurt the relationship before the relationship hurts you? Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater by destroying something potentially good just because of what you've done before or what has been done to you...either one.

Also, take a good look at the relationship you are in right now. Forget the jealousy, forget the past, forget the future...right here, right now, the way things ARE...do you care about this person? Do you want to spend more time with him? Is this a person you trust? Have you been honest with him? Has he been honest with you? If you trust him and face your fears, then there is no place for jealousy to take root.

If you care about him, and want this to work, then the ball is in your court. It is up to you to decide if you want to be a jealous person for no tangible reason or not. You have to decide if any 'reasons' you find are your old habits coloring the way you see things. Only you can decide if you are willing to do let go of the past, your old ways of doing things, and accept this man for who he is right here, right now. You have to be the one to decide if you are willing to start here, care for this person as-is, uncolored by past experiences or not.

It takes courage to drive a chariot. It takes awareness and realistic decision making. Charioteers were the jet test pilots of their day. It takes the same kind of courage to be honest with yourself, be honest about the way things are, and make decisions about what you have and how to move forward. Don't use your past as an excuse...a fast moving chariot can not focus on where they have been or they drive up the tree that is in front of them. A fast moving chariot can't imagine bumps and curves in the road that aren't really there...or they will tip over.  Chariots don't turn on a dime...so it takes communication with the chariots beside you, or accidents happen. Relationships and chariots both require realistic awareness, thorough honesty, and clear communication. 

Best Wishes to both of you!


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